Almost served

When you jogged for three days in a row, prepared yourself mentally to serve in the army, boasted that you were going to be a paratrooper, and then suddenly failed all medical tests — can this be considered as "almost served", or not?

Shepherd

It's really easy to herd cows in space: just pile them up in a heap and don't touch them until the rescuers come.

Psychiatrist

It's very easy to determine a person's mental disorder by the color of his spacesuit. Especially if you're a charlatan. A real professional will try to find and add all the other possible signs of the illness.

Destructor

Labor turned ape into a... more muscular ape. You have unique destruction skills, now your delicate workmanship with the handy scrapper will cause more damage to everything you touch with it.

The Power of the Unicorn

You are immune to criticism. You are simply THE best. Everything your hands get to touch and create is GENIUS. This achievement is unique and is meant to be given to no one but you. Everyone else has a fake copy of it.

A contributor to the industry

Congratulations! If you didn't cheat, then you are helping the industry to develop! In some way, not necessarily in the right one.

Small puffs of gas

It's indecent to fart on Earth, but farting in space can save your life by giving your body acceleration at the last moment.

Smuggler

The dead guy doesn't need the eye, but you have only two of them. To be more precise, three, but you must still take care of them.

Sherlock

You can solve any case if you know for sure who you want to blame.

Multilayered

It's warm in underpants, and you can hibernate in winter if you have a whole lot of them!

Chicken dielectric

An immortal Chicken on a stick makes an excellent dielectric. We do not recommend trying this in real life, unless you have an immortal chicken and an immortal you.

Concussion

If you're holding something in your hands, then you can hit yourself with it. Try it, it's fun.

The Revenant

Every survivor deserves an Oscar. So it goes.

BDSM fan club

Yes, yes, I want more! Use me as a chair! Oh, yeah!